in need of grace.

i have tried to do it on my own. i have thought about how i will get through... how i will face my fears... how i will be open... on my own. i have not felt the stir of God in a while. i have felt a little alone; i have searched and all the while, i am sure He was right with me... waiting.

here i am again... realizing something.

I need grace. I need Christ.

instead of feeling, i have numbed myself with media... with teaching responsibilities... with chores... with my sin.

the past two days, i have been reminded how black my heart is (thank you Lord for your revelation). and standing at the stove tonight, i felt utter helplessness wondering how i was ever going to get close to God again. and then i realized something.

I need grace. I need Christ.

for surely, i cannot do this on my own. i cannot bring myself back into His presence, but he can... only by His grace.

and then, i knew that He had always been there.

"I have only one question to ask you. Think back over those times when you have talked with your friends, and with your family. Think back over the times you have accepted people who have come to argue. Have you felt My Presence during those visits?" "Yes, Lord. Yes, indeed I have." "My glory was there?" "Yes Lord." "Then that's all you need. It is so often this way with friends. And family. The results are not your problem. All you have to worry about is obedience. Seek My Presence, not results."

I perhaps should not even wonder about results. The only thing that did matter to me was obedience. If the Lord asked me to talk to these people, then that is what I should do...

I Dared to Call Him Father