For the past couple of years, in an attempt to live more intentionally and with more purpose, I have "named" my years. I have chosen a word or phrase which I strive to live according to throughout the year. This past year was a year of faith. I think of many places in which I have failed to live in faith and instead have chosen to live in fear. I remember a time when I loved and cherished diversity. I loved culture. And... this past year, it was like I took two steps back. I began fearing that which was different. I feared not being accepted or fitting in. I feared disappointing myself or someone else. I struggled with comparing myself to others. I feared death... more generally, the unknown. Over the past couple of months, I have seen God work in my life. I have seen Him open my heart to that which is unknown. He has worked despite my fears... and my God has proven Himself once again much, much bigger than all my fears.
So... this year, I am determined to stop telling God to wait... wait until I am ready to handle diversity, fear, comparison because I don't want to wait any longer to experience real life found only in Christ. This year, I am going to strive to live in faithful, joyful obedience.
I read a book to prepare myself for the advent season called Preparing for Jesus and there was a section on Mary. Mary was a young girl much younger than myself. When approached by an angel of the Lord telling her that she was going to be impregnated by the Spirit before she got married to Joseph, her response was not, "Wait... let me count the costs" but instead "Behold I am the servant of the Lord, let it be according to your word." That challenges me... here was a young girl who was facing a teenage pregnancy, rumors of infidelity among her people, the possibility of divorce by her betrothed, and so much more... and she did not hesitate to act obediently.
This year, my prayer is that my response to whatever or wherever the Lord calls will be, "Behold I am the servant of the Lord, let it be according to your word."
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