Lately, I feel God doing a lot in my heart... a year ago, I had so much resistance in my heart towards God opening certain doors, primarily in moving overseas for an unknown period of time. It has been quite the journey... and has required a lot of processing. And, I know that I am only in the middle (or possibly even the beginning still) of a life-long journey. Thankfully, I have been given abundant grace. I have been given the gift of community... and without their encouragement and prayers and the Spirit's work, I would not be on this path.
This path is one of heart transformation. I see it and feel it and yet I still try to resist. Today, I started Colossians and read, "We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love that you have for all the saints, because of the hope laid up for you in heaven."
I continue steadfast in my faith in Christ and in trying to love other people intentionally and intelligently because of the hope in the present and especially the hope of the coming kingdom when the totality of God reigns.
But I have realized that either because of the resistance in my heart towards God opening some doors or a factor that contributes towards building the resistance in my heart is misplacing my hope.
So... is my hope laid up in heaven? Or... is my hope in things of this world, even those things that are good?
Where is my hope?
If my hope is not in Christ, the sacrifice will be too great.
If my hope is not in Christ, I covet, am jealous, and compare myself to others.
If my hope is not in Christ, I am not content with my portion.
If my hope is not in Christ, it all seems vain.
If my hope is not in Christ, I feel alone.
If my hope is not in Christ, I fear. I fear death. I fear people who are different than me. I fear failing. I fear other people's judgment. I fear losing the control that I never really had. I just fear.
But... when I see Christ before me and hope in the kingdom now and to come, all these things are gone... and I am free.